Maggie Shackelford: No Going Back
Photography credit: Hanna Hill Photography
I’ve known Maggie since she was in high school, a student at the school where my husband and I taught. We connected over our shared love of contemporary dance and creative ambitions, and I’ve absolutely loved watching her pursue her passion for photography, storytelling, and a deeply authentic life.
Maggie is one of the unfortunate one percent of women who experience extreme, debilitating nausea during pregnancy, enduring a level of misery most of us can’t imagine. So when her second child was born in June, she breathed a huge sigh of relief even as she entered into what she knew would be a new phase of sacrifice, struggle, and sanctification.
Maggie tells her story on Instagram with shocking and refreshing honesty, including some amazingly vulnerable photos (this is one of my favorites). Here, she shares her thoughts about the pressure placed on women to “bounce back” after the grueling, life-altering experience of pregnancy and delivery.
A question for myself and other postpartum people: Why are we so determined to convince the world that we never had a baby? Why do we need to bounce back? Why do we need to erase any sign or hint on our bodies that we just grew and birthed life into the world?
Our culture is obsessed with how quickly birthing people return from this cataclysmic experience and back to “real” life. You get patted on the back for leaving your house with the infant days after giving birth, for fitting into your pre pregnancy clothes as soon as possible, for being “productive” again (because keeping an infant alive isn’t productive).
We push and push and push ourselves and our bodies. We fight to get back to normal as quickly as possible. We are terrified of our postpartum bodies and their unrecognizable curves, rolls, and scars. Who are we? Where did we go?
And for many of us there is no option of rest, of healing. No pause. For some maybe we have the option but we are too uncomfortable asking for the help we need. We’ve been told over and over that the faster you recover the better, the stronger, you are, and we’ve internalized that. And for many of us the disorienting catapulting into parenthood is so scary, so unhinging that we cling to who we were before and try to desperately claw our way back.
But here’s the deal—there is no going back. Yes, you can feel like yourself again. But that self has changed. And you have to go to the depths to find who that new self is. You won’t find it by forcing your sleep deprived body back to the gym at six weeks. You won’t find it by resenting and hating every pound that refuses to disappear from the scale. You won’t find it by returning back to work immediately and trying to convince your yourself and your coworkers nothing has changed.
We have to change the narrative around postpartum—for ourselves, for our babies, for our culture. Instead of cheering someone on for bouncing back at a Herculean speed, let’s cheer people on for resting. Let’s celebrate when postpartum people are nourished and bond with their babies rather than how quickly they lose weight.
Let’s normalize RECOVERY. And let’s remember that recovery takes a hell of a lot longer than 3 days in a hospital.
Because that is how we find ourselves again on the other side. By beginning this new relationship with ourselves and our children from a place of feeling grounded, supported, and seen.
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Maggie is a certified birth doula and storyteller in Asheville, NC. She is a professional photographer specializing in documenting the beginnings, expansions, and transitions of families, capturing the pure and the messy, the mundane and the extraordinary. She welcomed her second daughter in June. You can find Maggie on Instagram @maggieshackelford and at her website www.maggieshackelford.com.
