Start Small and Think It Through: Creating Habits that Stick
I usually don’t do New Year’s resolutions, partly because they are notoriously unlikely to be kept (only about 8% of them last past the first month!). Instead, I usually do a theme, focus, or intention for the year. I like that because it’s lower pressure and allows me to change the way I live out that theme as the year evolves.
Last year I chose “create consistently” as my theme, which was perfect because it could encompass both my writing goals and the unavoidable, magical project of bringing a new life into the world, two callings that were conspicuously colliding that year.
But more and more, I’m learning that in order to pursue any calling with excellence, we must develop good habits that can carry us through the mess and busyness of life. I used to think routines were boring and constricting. But no. Routines hold us up when motivation and willpower fail. Habits are powerful allies that can do a lot of the heavy lifting for us if only we will help them get established.
So this year I do have a habit I want to start, a resolution you might say. However, I want it to stick.
Therefore, I’ve spent some time reading through some articles by James Clear about habit change, pulled from his book Atomic Habits, and thinking about how I can set myself up for success. This post lays out the major takeaways.
Identity-Based Habits
One of the things I love about James’s work is that he teaches that all true change needs to start at the level of identity. He writes, “What you do now is a mirror image of the type of person you believe that you are (either consciously or subconsciously).”
There are three layers of change. Outcomes are about what you achieve or get: lose 20 pounds, finish your novel, have better friends. Processes are about what you do: eat more vegetables, write every day, call one friend every Saturday. Identity is about who you are and what you believe—both about yourself and about the world: staying lean is essential for health and overall wellbeing; I am an author; I am a good friend.
These three layers are all important, but what matters, James says, is that you start with identity and move out from there. Our goals need to align on a deep level with who we are and who we want to be in order for them to have sticking power and to effect soul-level change, not just superficial and temporary change.
“Many people begin the process of changing their habits by focusing on what they want to achieve. This leads us to outcome-based habits. The alternative is to build identity-based habits. With this approach, we start by focusing on who we wish to become.”
- James Clear
Once you have spent some time thinking and praying about who you want to be, then you move to thinking about what kinds of things that person would do. Finally, you decide on at least one measurable outcome that can mark your progress.
Start Small
So let’s assume you’ve decided on who you want to be, i.e. how you want to be better. For me, this year, I want to be a person who starts her day with intention and who makes time for what is important. The next step is to focus on that process. And the best kind of process is one that becomes automatic and easy, aka a habit.
The number one key to successful habit formation, James says, is starting small. The idea is to make your new habit so small, simple, and easy that you almost can’t not do it: even when your motivation is next to nonexistent, you’re exhausted, and you are already running late, you can still sneak it in and keep that success chain going. When you succeed at something, no matter how small, you get positive momentum, which is a natural reward for continuing the behavior.
For example, last spring I implemented this idea by setting the goal of writing one sentence per day. Just one sentence. This was something I could do on my phone in thirty seconds or less, if that’s all I had. And some days, that’s all I did. I’d add one sentence to an Instagram post or jot down one reflection from the day. I could, I told myself, even write the sentence, “I don’t have anything to say,” if necessary. But it would be every day. And then, like magic, I found that many days I would end up writing more, and sometimes a lot more. By taking the pressure off to produce some magnificent chapter or complete post, I freed myself to just write something, and many times that something ended up being not too shabby. This habit has completely changed my relationship with the act of writing. It used to feel like torture, something I dreaded and procrastinated and, as a result, rarely did. Now it feels fun—light and exciting. Starting super duper duper small is EVERYTHING.
So start small: something so easy that it seems almost laughable. Because once you start to succeed at that teeny tiny routine, you can always add to it. Once it’s second nature to write one sentence every day and you find that you’re often writing more than that, you can increase the goal to a paragraph a day. Then a page, and so on.
So for my goal of becoming more intentional with my mornings and doing the things that are important to me, I’m going to start a morning routine. This is something I’ve known I should do for years, but routines are not at all easy for this Enneagram 4, and mornings are not easy for this high-sleep-need mother of three. But my children are all reliably sleeping or at least staying in their rooms until 7 now, so it’s time. Usually, when I think about morning routines, I imagine about fifteen different things I should be doing each morning to start the day off right: exercise, meditate, read scripture, pray, journal, read non-fiction, etc. And then I get overwhelmed and give it up before I even begin. Lol. But not this year! I’m taking this super easy idea to heart and starting with just a few minutes of intentional movement (yoga-ish) accompanied by a favorite piece of music that is pre-selected so that I don’t have to make any decisions in the morning
(I think I’m going to start with “Wolf” by Sylvan Esso—chill but also fun). I can roll out of bed, pee, and then turn on this song while I go through my version of the Sun Salutation. When the song ends, I’ll be done. After that’s become second nature, I can add a second song. Then, maybe a cup of coffee and prayer. And then I can keep adding on incrementally until I have a substantial, meaningful, but still doable routine.
Think It Through
Now, the second key ingredient for creating a new habit that will stick is thinking it through, which means understanding how habits work and planning accordingly. Our buddy James lays out the four parts of any habit: cue (what triggers you to do the habit), craving (why you think it will be enjoyable), response (what you actually do—the habit itself), and reward (the positive sensations that accompany the completion of the habit).
A successful new habit will be crafted to maximize each of those four steps. As such, we should be making sure that our new habit is:
1. obvious
2. attractive
3. easy
4. satisfying
So you must think about an obvious cue (what tells you it’s time to do the habit?), how to make the action itself appealing (can you incorporate something you already like, such as music or a tasty beverage?), making the action itself easy (as we discussed above), and what kind of reward you will enjoy afterward (this can be intrinsic, like the endorphins that follow exercise, or extrinsic, like eating something yummy or reading for fun, etc.).
Part of that is eliminating decisions, which can be major obstacles, even if they’re insignificant. For example, if I had to decide which song to listen to while I’m half asleep before I could do my yoga could easily be enough to derail me. Choosing the song ahead of time (or laying out the clothes you’ll wear to the gym, or writing down who you’re going to call each Saturday for the next month) can be surprisingly helpful.
So, here’s how that works for my goal:
The cue is obvious: as soon as I get out of bed.
It’s attractive: I get to listen to a song I enjoy.
It’s easy: 3 minutes from start to finish, not vigorous or otherwise onerous.
It’s satisfying: the movement will feel good, and I’ll get that boost of dopamine from succeeding at the small thing.
So that’s it! Start with a goal that resonates on a deep, identity level and start with a version that is so easy that it almost seems insignificant. Then, take the extra few minutes to think through the other three aspects of a habit to streamline the process and make the rewards clear.
